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Weight Loss! August 1, 2011

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BAM! It hit me like a ton of bricks this morning……the scale that is.  I stepped on the scale this morning for the first time in months.   I hate the scale. HATE IT.  It is evil. 

The main reason why I hate the scale is because earlier last year I became obsessed with the scale.  For about a month, I got on the scale EVERY SINGLE DAY.  The little number on the top would either make my day great or a miserable one.  That’s when I started developing a slight eating disorder.  I monitored EVERYTHING I put into my mouth.  I started recording calories, fat, carbs…..Nothing went past my lips if it wasn’t written on paper.  I became obsessed.  Until my mom stepped in and said that I needed to see a nutritionist before things got out of hand.  I wasn’t eating enough.  I tried eating as little food as possible.  I was eating less than 1,000 calories a day and exercising 6 or 7 days a week.  Well instead of getting the positive results I was hoping for, my body rebelled and I started gaining weight.  As well as gaining weight, I developed a ton of other problems.  Some of which I am still dealing with.  After seeing a nutritionist she helped me get back on track.  I am nowhere near perfect with food.  I never will be.  Food and I battle everyday.  I have come to understand that.  I’m still trying to find common ground between food and I.

Well anyway, I’ve gained some weight since last summer and I am not so happy about it.  It doesn’t even have anything to do with the way I look!  I’m mostly concerned because I know that a few extra pounds can put a lot of pressure on the knees, and for a runner, that’s a huge deal!  I have totally noticed a difference in my running from last year.  A lot more pain in the knees.  Also, my summer clothes don’t fit from last year.  I’ve been sticking to sundresses most of the summer. :(

Today I am making a change and a commitment to myself.  I have set up small goals for myself rather than large goals.  I usually say, “I want to lose 10lbs by X date”.  That usually backfires.  Instead, my goal is to lose 1lb per week.  Once I reach my first 5lbs I will reward myself with a Non-Food treat.  I will only be getting on the scale once a week, not 5 times a week.  I am keeping everything recorded and stuck to the fridge.  I’m really hoping my willpower works and I can reach my goal.

What do you think?  Do you think I can do it?

Have you ever set goals for yourself?  How do you make sure you stay on track?

Lots going on! July 24, 2011

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Hello Blog World!

Sorry that I am a slacker on posting regularly.  My life isn’t very exciting and don’t want to bore anyone with the minuet details.  I just came back from a week at the Jersey Shore (yes, the same Jersey Shore in which the TV is based on).  It was nice to have a little getaway with family and friends for a few days.  Nothing exciting, just a lot of beach time and a few nights out.  I did go kayaking for the first time with Keith!  It was a great arm workout!  We also went to a water park.  I normally steer clear of these because of all the screaming kids (ironic, I know, because I teach children, but I don’t want to be around them all the time).  Keith convinced me otherwise because he’s not really the type of guy to just lay on the beach.  It was fun though and I’m glad I went.  He only came down for one night because he had to work all week but several of my friends and family members came down during the week to visit.

Any who, I have taken on a new challenge!  Tough Mudder!  If you’ve never heard of it, check out the site.  It’s insane and the only reason I am doing it is because my best friend Meridith has somehow convinced me!  She said something like “you only live once” and “getting dirty with your friends and family will be fun…blah blah blah”…and those few phrases convinced me to join in on the “fun”.  We will see how much “fun” this crazy competition will actually be.  I’m pretty sure my family and friends are thinking I am crazy for doing this, especially since my first full marathon is about a month before but I am always challenging myself and enjoy the challenge.  I enjoy the pain and pleasure that come along with these challenges as well.   The best part is the exact minute you cross the finish line and you are overcome with joy and pain at the same time.  All that pain though, is 100% worth it.  I am only doing these for myself and to test my will power and strength.  I also know that these challenges will get me into great shape.

Talking about great shape….I’ve let myself slip 1 too many times these past few months and am completely unhappy with my body right now, as well as my willpower.  I’ll put it out there…I LOVE FOOD. I LOVE TO EAT.  There is no way around it.  I’ve done every diet in the book..Weight Watchers, Atkins (for about a day), Nutrisystem, Four Hour Body, Paleo, etc…..I’ve been successful on some and unsuccessful on others.  I have learned a lot through these diets though.  One of the most important lessons that I learned though was that a Diet will NEVER work forever.  It will work temporarily but you cannot live your life on a diet.  A person must learn to have a healthy lifestyle that includes natural, unprocessed foods and physical exercise.  And that healthy lifestyle must last for your entire life.

Unfortunately for me, like I said, I love food.  If you put it in front of me and it involves anything sweet, chocolate, peanut butter…I WILL EAT IT.  I tend to have an issue with portion control.  If I like it and it’s just sitting in front of me I will eat it until it’s gone.  I have a crazy sweet tooth.  Dark chocolate and peanut butter are my weaknesses.  Oh yeah, and wine!  :)

I’ve also dealt with, and still do, binge eating.  It’s something that I don’t understand.  I don’t know exactly when I started doing it but it began to take over my life last year when I was on antidepressants for anxiety and when I went off of them it became out of control.  After doing some research online, I found out that this was a side effect of going off of antidepressants cold turkey.  The best way to do it was to ween yourself off of them.  I didn’t want to take them in the first place but my doctor recommended it because of a lot of issues I was having.  I have definitely regained control of the binge eating but it still rears its ugly head occasionally, usually when I drink or am in social situations.  I’ve done a ton of research on it but I will never understand it.  If you’re wondering what happens during an episode, usually it involved me standing in the kitchen late at night with no one around (either no one was home or they were sleeping) and I would literally eat everything and anything….cereal, peanut butter, pretzels, trail mix, granola……you name it, I ate it, and a lot of it.  I wasn’t hungry, but I ate.  While I was eating, my mind wasn’t there.  There was just something inside of me telling me to keep eating.  Once I finally finished I would feel badly and promise never to do it again but usually a few days later, it happened again.  This was a vicious cycle that I have not admitted to many people.  Usually if I told someone they would laugh at me and tell me I’m crazy.  I felt like there was no one out there that understood.  I don’t think anyone will understand binge eating unless they have suffered from it.

Sorry, this is a long post but I’m going to cut it short soon.  I could go on forever on this topic.  Anyway, I am hoping that by signing up for these challenges that I will lose some of the weight that I have gained and build my self-confidence.  I tend to have low self-esteem all the time and when my weight creeps up, my self-esteem gets even lower.

Well I hope everyone enjoys their weekend!  I will leave you with a few pictures from the past week!

Logan and I

 

Girls at Hemingways!

 

 

 

Alba VIneyard Summer Fest

 

Logan

 

Out for Kate's BDay

Happiness July 17, 2011

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Hello friends!
I am currently on my way home from a day at the Jersey Shore. My parents rented a house in Ocean Beach/Lavalette for the week so Keith and I came down last night so we could spend the day there. He has work at 7:30 tomorrow morning and I’ve gotta tutor at 11 a.m. So I am heading home with him now and hitching a ride back down tomorrow night with Kate. Ill be staying down the rest of the week but Kate is coming down for a few days.
Today was a pretty good day. I ran 9 miles this morning. I had 10 on my training schedule but it was super hot and I ran out of water. No sense in dehydrating myself over a silly mile. Fortunately, Keith kept me busy the rest of the day. We spend a half an hour kayaking which was a sweet arm workout. We spend the afternoon at the waterpark having fun on the rides like we were 10 yrs old. After the waterpark we had ice cream (yum!) And had a nice dinner with my family and family friends.

The title of my post has been on my mind lately. Happiness. What is happiness? How do you know when you are completely happy with your life and relationships?
Everyone wants to be happy. Its the only thing I want from life. Yet I’m so scared that I’m going to end up in a “less then happy” situation. I don’t want to settle but I am the type of person that doubts every decision I make. I am so unsure of myself. Sometimes I don’t even know what makes me happy. Sometimes I feel like wine and chocolate are the only things that make me happy. (HA!) Oh yeah, peanut butter and kittens too! :). But honestly, how will we know when we are truly 100% happy?

What makes you happy?

My non-human best friend!

My non-human best friend!

So Lost-Venting July 12, 2011

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I feel so lost in my life right now.  Mostly with deciding what I want to do with myself professionally.  You see, I started taking classes for my Master’s Degree in Reading Specialization 2 years ago and have completed 4 classes.  The last class I took was tough and it knocked my confidence in my abilties down a few notches and left a sour taste in my mouth about the Reading Specialization program.  I didn’t take any classes over the summer and am in the process of deciding what I want to do in the Fall.  I have always told myself that I wanted a Master’s Degree.  Just for the sake of having it but my heart isn’t where it was when I first started going to school for Education.  Being a teacher just isn’t what it used to be.  I am taking a new position in the Fall in my school that I hope will change my mind on my career.  Another reason why I am undecisive about registering for more courses is tuition.  I am currently making monthly payments towards my undergrad tuition and grad classes.  I can’t get a deferred loan if I only take 1 course and I don’t have the cash to pay out of pocket.  I don’t want to add anymore money onto the personal loans I already have out for my grad tuition.  My school district only reimburses us $1300 a year!  A YEAR!  One course is $1900!  So that doesn’t help my decision.

I have been researching the idea of getting a certification to become a nutritionist.  I love talking about nutrition and have done a lot of research on it already for my own knowledge.  But is it worth it?  Is it worth it to just STOP in the middle of earning a master’s degree to study something completely different????? I FEEL SO LOST.  LOST-At 26 years old, I have NO IDEA what to do…..

Deja Vu July 9, 2011

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It’s been a while readers, I apologize.  I was in Baltimore for a few days with a friend enjoying some girl time.  We have a great time and can’t wait to do it again (with a little less alcohol!) LOL  I suffered quite a hangover Thursday and was in bed all afternoon.  I am fully recovered though.

Some pics from Baltimore….

Maryland Crabs!

 

Strawberry Beer

 

Max's Taphouse-Best Bar in Baltimore

 

 

Anyway, I am struggling with my runs.  I’m not sure what it is. Have a lost my conditioning?  Is it the heat?  Am I dehydrated?  Am I fueling properly?  I attempted to run yesterday morning but didn’t make it more than a mile and a half before calling it quits and heading to the gym.  I had a strange cramp in my stomach and just didn’t feel right.  I’m sure the 85 degree temps and humidity didn’t help.  I did an hour of easy cardio at the gym with no problems besides being super thirsty.

If you have been keeping up with my story, I am just coming back from an injury and trying to get in to Marathon training.  I lost a couple of weeks in running but continued cross training and strength training.  I have decided not to run in the Vibrams because I feel they may have been the cause of my foot injuries.  I will keep them and try again after the marathon.  I am determined to start following the schedule by next week because my first marathon will be here before I know it.  I am scared.  I am anxious.  I am nervous.  I AM CRAZY!

I know that I will NEED to get my runs done in the morning before the sun is up because it’s been hitting 80 degrees by 10 am.  I also need to hydrate and fuel properly.  I feel so out of shape when I run.  It’s hard for me to believe that I ran 13.1 miles less than 2 months ago and now I feel like I can’t do 2 miles.  I will keep you posted.

On to other things, I got very LITTLE sleep last night.  I hit the pillow around 10:30 and had difficulty falling asleep.  At 2 am.  some sort of alarm was going off outside my apartment.  At 4 am.  I hear screaming and yelling outside.  I ran to the window to see a young couple fighting.  DEJA VU.  It was as if it was 5 years ago and that was me and my ex-fiance standing outside arguing.  THAT WAS US. :(

I watched as the young boy went walking out towards the exit of the complex in a fit of rage, screaming and yelling.  The girl was standing by the dumpster as someone jumped in to catch something.  It looked like her purse was thrown into the dumpster.  It seemed like all was calm, but no more than 10 minutes later I heard screaming again.  The boy was back and he was yelling at the girl.  It was hard to tell what they were arguing about but I debated whether to call the police.  I grabbed my cell phone and stood by the window nervously.  I was scared for this girls life.  I don’t know whose fault the argument was but the boy was very angry, loud, and aggressive and could have snapped any minute.  Just as I was about to call the police, they showed up, 2 of them.  They went back and forth with the boy for a while until 2 more cops showed up.  I couldn’t bear to watch anymore because it made me so upset I started crying.  I went back to bed and laid there with  my eyes open remembering how similar this seemed to me.

I don’t talk about my past relationships much but I will just say that my ex fiance was the same way.  He became very aggressive and angry and we would argue constantly, just like this.  It was horrible and I always thought it would get better, but it doesn’t.  I am so happy that 2 months before we were supposed to get married, I made the best decision of my life and left him.  It was the best and also the hardest decision of my life.  I am the type of person that worries about what everyone else thinks.  Little did I know, it’s not what everyone else thinks that’s important, it’s what makes ME happy.

I’m really not in the mood to talk much more about this but if you have a question or something you are more than welcome to e-mail me at runningforthestars14@yahoo.com

I just hope that the young girl I saw last night makes the best decision she can.

I am off to a family reunion with my boyfriend.  I am so happy to have him in my life.  He makes me realize how lucky I am and how I made such a great decision years ago.

The Best Thing That Has Ever Happened To Me <3

 

He is always there for me :)

Weekend & MEMORIES!! July 2, 2011

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Hello Readers! (If I have any!)

Happy 4th of July Weekend!  Although I have the summer off (not bragging) I am sure many of you are enjoying your long weekends.  The past few days have been busy busy busy.  Yesterday started off at the beach while drinking a couple of these….

mmmm Kettle One vodka and Fresh OJ!

After several of those I came home to get ready for a Dove Chocolate Demonstration that I was hosting!  Best demonstration ever.  I consumed a ton of this….

Chocolate

Chocolate was consumed in all formed….chocolate fondue, chocolate covered espresso beans, chocolate covered almonds, chocolate martinis, brownies, pb chocolate truffles, chipotle chocolate, chocolate balsamic vinegar……..

To wash down my chocolate, chocolate, and more chocolate, I consumed a few glasses of….

Wine

After that I had a belly ache!  I went out with some girlfriends after anyway to enjoy their company and they had some drinks and food while I sipped on some water.  Didn’t feel like drinking or eating anymore!

I am finally getting on the path back to running!  I did about 2.5 miles with my sister on Thursday and the foot was okay.  It was a little sore but I took it easy.  I rested yesterday and this morning I did about 3.5 miles on a new trail I found right next to my neighborhood!  I can’t believe I have been living here for a year and a half and just found this a few weeks ago…

Running trail in my neighborhood

It was super peaceful and quiet.  I think that the township is still working on it because at certain points there was construction but I can’t wait till it’s finished because it’s so much safer than the streets.  I don’t know if I would run it at night though because it’s not lit and it’s pretty secluded.  I had a little bit of discomfort in my foot but nothing major.  I am really hoping that by next week I can pick up on my marathon training schedule.  I can’t believe that in a little over 3 months I will be running 26.2 miles!  I was thinking on my run today about maybe looking into a coach that could help me with my running because I feel like I am always injured or sore and I feel that it’s holding me back.  Gotta look into that.

Anyway,  In my post the other day I asked this question:  “Would you rather spend 50 bucks on a new shirt/pants/outfit/accessory/etc. Or would you rather spend 50 bucks out to dinner and drinks with your friends/family/significant other laughing your ass off?”

I see and hear about how a lot of people spend money on material things…..clothes, jewelry, cell phones, purses, etc. which is all fine and dandy but do those materialistic things give you true happiness?  Do you they give you memories that you will remember for the rest of your life?  This topic came to my mind the other day when I was having dinner with a friend.  I was talking about how I never buy clothes, purses, jewelry, whatever for myself all that often.  If I buy anything, it’s something I need.  Like a new pair of running sneakers or essentials.  Instead,  I try to save some money for future vacations and I realize that I tend to go out a lot with my girlfriends, boyfriend, and family.  This is where I probably spend a decent amount of money. Some people might say that I shouldn’t be spending money on dinners and drinks out but I disagree.  I don’t go out drinking and out to eat every single night.  Mostly on the weekends during the school year and maybe a little more frequently during the summer.  But in my opinion, these are the things I will remember for the rest of my life!  Not clothes, jewelry, and purses!  I am going to remember….

DANCING THE NIGHT AWAY WITH MY BEST FRIENDS!

SINGING OUR HEARTS OUT AT CONCERTS!

RANDOM TRIPS TO NYC WITH MY SISTER!

SHOTS AT BREAKFAST IN CANCUN!

BEER PONG IN OUR KITCHEN!

TATTOOS!

Okay, I could go on forever with my favorite memories.   My point is:  We live for the moments that we will remember forever, not the objects that we eventually toss away!

Damaged! June 29, 2011

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I am sick of sitting around and not being able to run!  I have the least amount of patience when it comes to injuries healing.  I want them to heal immediately.  None of this…take a few days/weeks/months off crap!  The reason I am going on this rant is because I have been out of running commison for almost 3 weeks (?)!  I ran my first half-marathon on May 15th and took a week or 2 off.  I went back to running feeling fine, starting slowly in my new Vibrams.  I was running one Sunday and by the time I reached my apartment complex, I had a bad throbbing pain in my foot.  It is right above the second toe.  So I took a week off from running and only continued activities that didn’t irritate the spot.  The pain was still occuring when I walked so I went to an orthopedic surgeon and he took an x-ray and said it was fine and I just needed to wear supportive shoes (bye bye flip flops :( ) and take a break from running (I am!)  So I rested some more and didn’t run for over 2 weeks and tried running again in Florida last week and couldn’t make it more than a mile without pain.  Bah.  So I still worked out, elliptical, weight training, etc.  I took 2 COMPLETE days rest the past two days….and guess what?  I still feel pain!  FML!  I am planning to run my first marathon on October 15th!  I am running out of patience!!!!! Okay, end of rant!  Speaking of patience, I have been waiting at my parents house for Fed-Ex to deliver my new lap-top since 10 am…..mom said they usually deliver around 1…well it’s 2:45 and I feel like I am wasting away……hence yesterday’s post. I tell my students “Patience is a Virtue” …I need to listen to my own advice.

BTW I am on a total rehab diet from the past few days.  Too much sugar, carbs, etc.  Keeping it natural and light with a berry banana smoothie for breakfast and a salad with tilapia for lunch and 2 tblspns PB for a snack.  My belly isn’t happy lately with my eating habits! Whoops!

I’m leaving on a jet plane… June 28, 2011

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Well, my trip to Florida is over. Well, almost. I’m currently in PBI airport sipping a Blue Moon! Yum! I just finished a salad and a glass of merlot. My flight is delayed so I’m making the most out of my last few hours here and having a few beverages. I don’t mind the delay…as of now..because its only 45 minutes. I just hope it doesn’t get any later. Its already a nuisance that I’m flying into LGA instead of EWR. But this flight was so much cheaper. I can’t wait to see Keith! And my family.
Its not so hard leaving Florida this time since Meri will be moving up to Jersey in August! Yay! Can’t wait to have her there whenever I need her.
Of course, heading back to Jersey has already caused my mind to go back to overdrive again. Thinking about bills, jobs, moving, etc.
I am the type of person whose mind NEVER stops. I am constantly thinking, moving, going…
My boyfriend hates it. He is so laid back and I am the complete opposite. Maybe that’s why we r so good together. He has to force me to chill out. I can’t stand watching TV. If the weather is nice, I wanna be outside doing something, ANYTHING! When Keith and I started dating, all he did was sleep! I couldn’t stand it! He still does it, but not as often. I’ve gotten him out on the weekends to go hiking, jogging, wine tasting….I will do anything but sleep or watch TV! I feel like its a waste of time…unless its raining or I’m sick…..those r the only excuses! Life is too short to sit around and waste a singler second! Your life could end tomorrow, or someone you know could be gone tomorrow!
Would you rather spend your last 5 minutes sleeping or laughing with your BFF?
Which gets me onto another topic….but I will leave that to my next post. Here’s a question to give you a hint….
Would you rather spend 50 bucks on a new shirt/pants/outfit/accesory/etc. Or would you rather spend 50 bucks out to dinner and drinks with your friends/family/significant other laughing your ass off?
See you in NJ!

Sprinkles make everything better!

Sprinkles make everything better!

peanut butter cupcake!!!

peanut butter cupcake!!!

strawberry margaritas at wet willys!

strawberry margaritas at wet willys!

Florida Fun June 26, 2011

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Hello! I’ve been in Florida since yesterday morning and have been having fun spending time with my best friend, her husband, and son Landon. Meridith and I met several years ago (maybe 6 or 7?) And became best friends instantly.
Her and her hubby moved down to Florida a few years ago for work and because some of her family is here. We’ve managed to stay BFF’s and I’m happy to announce that she will be moving back to Jersey in August to start a new teaching position in September. They are moving back for other reasons as well. I am just so excited to be able to spend more time with her. You know you are true friends when you are miles and miles apart and don’t see each other for months, but when you do get the chance to see them, NOTHING has changed and it feels like you were never apart. I love her!
Tomorrow, I am treated Meri to massages in the morning and then we are headed down to Miami for a fun and crazy girls night! :) The last time Meri and I tried to have a ladies night, Meri wasn’t used to the partying ways we used to have and she passed out at 10! This time she promised to last longer! ;) Let’s see if she keeps her promise! Cheers!

Florida June 23, 2011

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I am currently sitting on the tarmac at LGA waiting to head down to Florida to spend a few days with my best friend Meridith. I will be down there till Tuesday. Ill be staying with her and her husband and son in Lake Worth but on Saturday Meridith and I are headed to Miami for a ladies night! Time to take off! See you in FL! :)

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